Fuck this blog.com service its been nothing but trouble either its too slow or its being blocked in China. So i have decided to move to my own host
From now on I will be posting at www.anotherlaowai.com/blog
Yes its mine
now that i'm using the lovely wordpress i will post more often
so everyone please update your blogrolls with my new address
So far i have moved all the posts across and i will start moving comments as soon as i figure out how
Today is the worst day of my life; I guess I’m attractive to gays. Today me and Sammi were on Shi Quan Jie Sammi went off to buy a milk tea for me and herself. Suddenly out of nowhere this young Asian man appeared and stopped next to me and Said “hi” to me in the type of stereotypical voice normal reserved for gay men in comedy movies. I however ignored that and proceeded to say hi back to him because I’m a friendly person I thought maybe he just has funny pronunciation. However, the next few questions quickly changed my mind. it was when he asked me where I was from he said “so cutie where are you from” I knew for sure that he was flaming gay and since Sammi was still getting the milk tea I couldn’t run away so I replied I’m from Canada to which he responded “Oh I like Canada, because it rhymes with banana. I like bananas very much? After which he sang Canada banana banana Canada. I was seriously creeped out, and this guy kept getting closer and closer to me. Then to make things even more weird and creepy he said “Your handsome I like you, I like big foreigners very much”. At the same time as he said this he did a pelvic thrust in my direction. That was the last straw I was panicking so I looked over at Sammi telepathically telling her to hurry the fuck up or I was bolting. When the Flamer saw me staring at Sammi, he said in a disapproving tone “who’s that girl, Is she your friend or tour guide?” I was finally able to save myself by informing him that Sammi was in fact my wife. To which he responded “ Ahhhh Shucks your already taken?? I responded “yeah”.
Finally Sammi came over and saved me from the conversation so the guy said “ ok I hope to see you again privately sometime” and quickly walked away swiveling his hips. As we got back onto the bike to go back home Sammi said “I think he wanted to fuck you” “NO SHIT” was the only correct response.
Normally I have no problem with gays I completely believe that they should be entitled to the same privileges as straight people with no persecution or harassment , a few of my friends in Canada where openly gay but this guy was too much, He would have been rejected from the gay pride parade because he was too flaming
I will be avoiding Shi Quan Jie for the next 6 months and if I’m forced to go there I will carry a sign that says “PROSTITUES AND DESPERATE SINGLES FUCK OFF I’M MARRIED”
Excuse me I will go have nightmares now
Can Chinese men get it up?
That’s the question of the day. I came to wondering this by taking a walk along one the streets in Suzhou and as I passed a pharmacy I saw a massive advertisement for Viagra. Advertising for Viagra is extremely common at pharmacies in Suzhou however this one was a little different on a neon cardboard sign attached to the upper edge of the Viagra Advertisement was Bold letters that proclaimed “A Great Gift For Your Friends” I don’t know about in your home country but in Canada there is no way anyone would even tell their friends they needed Viagra. I can’t even imagine this conversation
Mike: Hey Dave your wife told me your having some issues with getting the little guy up
Dave: Yeah It doesn’t matter how much I turkey choke him he just won’t firm up he flops over in seconds
Mike: Really that’s awful
Dave: Tell me about it
Mike: By the way Happy Birthday here a little something for you
Dave: WOW! Thanks Mike this Viagra is just what I needed
Mike: No problem
Dave: I don’t know how I can repay you, you’ve saved my marriage
Mike: Don’t worry about it. My birthday is coming up next week just get me a case of those little blue magic pills also.
Does that conversation sound realistic? I should think not. I think if you question most foreign men about their impotence they would probably beat you half to death
However my curiosity was forcing me to investigate so I went inside the pharmacy and asked the 2 woman working there if the Viagra was a popular item to buy and they told me it was extremely popular I asked them if they got a lot of grandpa’s popping in to stock up on the stuff. When I said this they burst out laughing I was intrigued why this would make them laugh because back home Viagra was grandpa’s wish come true and grandma’s nightmares come to life
So I had to ask who was the main consumer which they quickly pointed out was men in their 20’s or 30’s which struck me as surprise because I figured men in their 20’s and 30’s would have the least trouble getting it up. They said that they rarely have old men come in and buy it however occasionally some woman who look “kept” come in and pick some up which they are presumably bringing home to their sugar daddy
It was these facts that brought me to the questions of “Can Chinese men get it up” which I hope any Chinese men reading this will be able to comment or any Chinese woman who might experienced this at the receiving end can add in their 2 cents
Well after several long months waiting i finally had a meeting with my schools boss to re-negotiate my contact and sort out all the bullshit. and i'm fairly pleased with the result being my workday is now much shorter i go to work at 8:30 which isn't bad and then i get off for lunch around 11:40 i'm due back at school at 2:10 for my next class then i finish work at 3:30. i'm happy with the 2 1/2 hours free at lunchtime i might try get a part-time job for 2 hours then. i figure 2 hours everyday for 150yuan per hour could get me an extra 6-7000yuan every month. and to add to that with my re-negotiated contract i get an extra 700 a month for putting up with all the bullshit that they had put me through the last 5 months
needless to say both me and sammi where happy last night so i gotta celebrate with an indulgence trip to the import food shops and bought some real food
People thayt follow my blog know that i like to bitch about thew weather, well for once i won't be bitching recently i have been happy with the warmer tempatures. maybe its due to global warming or some weird chinese weather modification but i'm happy, because this time last year every night i was freezing my balls off and had the heater cranked up trying to stay alive.
those of you that live in Suzhou know that Suzhou has the shitty cold humid weather that seeps into your bones and keeps your hands and feet permenantly frozen will be glad about this recent heat wave also
i think i might just have to get back onto that bike again
anyone up for a ride?
In my time in China I have seen countless traffic accidents usually a couple everyday and after every accident i noticed something at least one of the cars has had its bumper fall off. it seems that every chinese car has a easily removed bumper.
the only time i was in a traffic accident in Canada i slammed into the parked car and all that happened was my bumper has some displaced paint and a few minor cracks. however in China everytime a taxi hits something; another car, a bus, a railing or even an electric bike its bumper will fall off. so right now i'm trying to figure out how they attach the bumpers to make them fall off so easily. presently i'm leaning towards they attach the bumpers using double sided tape
next time you are walking down the street have a look at a taxi and see how its attached because i don't think loose bumpers are very safe i even remember one time when me and Hek were biking and a taxi cut us off we kicked it and the bumper fell off to our delight
Sammi has laid down the law from now on i'm no longer allowed to say Fuck as freely as i once did, she decided i used it too much, so now it has to be limited. i can no longer say "where the fuck is my raincoat" when i'm late for work. now i have to say "where is that darned raincoat" luckly most of my other cuss words are still on the ok list and i can say fuck in chinese so its ok but i definalty don't wanna end up like Ned Flanders from the Simpsons
since my vocabulary is being limited please help me make a list of new words i can say
Wow i haven't updated my blog in a long time i guess thats because i have been sick, tired, weather pissed me off, and i'm also just plain lazy
our issue with the landlord improved he no longer minds if we have a dog in the apartment as long as we keep it away from the stupid bitches in the building. sometimes we really hate this suzhou bitches, sammi is suzhou people but she also hates the old fucking bitches that complain about everything and have nothing better to do than bitch about something and cause trouble.
the other week sammi took kingkong downstairs to take a shit and after he finished sammi used the plastic bag to pick up the poop and put in the garbage. some old bitch came over and told sammi that near her house there is lots of dog shit and it must be our dogs. sammi argued that it can't be because our dog is on lease and we always pick up after him. sammi then asked the woman where she lives the woman said she lives in block 17 which is about a 5 min walk from our place its about the furthest away you could get from our house sammi said it was it was impossible for it to be ours but the old bitch wouldn't listen and said all the shit in xinxin hua yuan is our fault. at this point Sammi realized talking to this woman was pointless and told her " listen you fucking inbred twat there is more than one dog in this apartment complex so shut the fuck up before i shove this dog shit down your throat, your the living proof that not all dogs have 4 legs biatch!
sammi went inside at that point and turn on the tv, good girl she's learning how to deal with bitches properly
i have recently noticed a big difference in the quality of fakes in china and to tell you the truth i'm upset. i'm not talking about shoes DVD's clothes watches etc. i'm taking about coke and pepsi, in china its almost impossible to buy real soft drinks and even when they come from the official coke factory something is different about the formula because they can't keep their carbonation for more than a min or 2 after opening. i have found the cans to be better than the bottles. over the last month i have found the coke and pepsi real and fake avaliable in suzhou to have decreased in quality to the point i can't drink it. they are lacking the sharp tang that i have learned to associate with coke and the smoother taste i have noticed in pepsi. recently i think the watered down drinks avaliable at movie theaters and fast food joints back home surpasses the quality here.
if i want a real nice tasting coke or pepsi i will have to get one of the import bottles from japan they are extra cool because the bottle is made of metal, but the downside of this is that they cost nearly 20yuan while the chinese coke costs just 2.5 yuan
so i guess i need a new drink so far i'm leaning towards vodka but i can't drink that at work so feel free to send in your suggestions
cheers
well everyone looks like the weather has taken a turn for the worse its now freezing cold and raining and winter has barely started. on top of all that i'm sick again i have been hacking up a lung and a half everyday. winter in suzhou has to be the only place worse than for a real canadian winter. this wet drippy cold i can't stand it chills you to the bone. high humidity and cold weather should never mix and of course suzhou's lack of central heating makes it even worse. in canada you come in from the -20C weather and the house is +20C so you warm up quickly and can even take off your jacket and sweater and walk around in a t-shirt and shorts. in suzhou you come in from the 0C weather and its 0C inside your house too so you can't warm up. the only way you can warm up is if you turn on the aircon or if you use a portable heater. but the problem with this is that it only heats up one room and the second you open the door to go into the other room all the heat is lost. also leaving the aircon on for 24hours a day is way too expensive. in the middle of winter you have to have the aircon on in the bedroom at night otherwise you will freeze to death, or atleast have a real goose down quilt. in the winter i dread the trip to the bathroom because you go from your relativily warm bedroom to the fucking freezing bathroom. the only remotely comparable experience i have ever had is trying to piss in a blizzard while i was skiing in canada.
now i will share the best secret with you. for men i recommend having a bucket right next to the bed if the need strikes you in the middle of the night and you really have to go. just poke your little guy out of the quilt lift up the bucket and fire away. girls you still have to get out of bed to use the bucket but its better than going to the bathroom.
p.s. remember to empty the bucket everyday and never piss into an empty juice bottle because in the groggy morning you might mistake it for apple juice.
its good to be a guy
